Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
