The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
