The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
