You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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