Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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