Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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