guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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