That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
