and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
