hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
