Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
