i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
