listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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