so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
