Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
