would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
