i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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