im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
