i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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