my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
