You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
