Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
