idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
