Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
