so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
