im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
