My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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