he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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