someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i have two assholes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
