he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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