I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
