her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
