i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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