this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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