bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
