I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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