4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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