god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They took my balls.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
