the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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