I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She is in my trunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
