You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This baby is an asshole
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
