I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
