There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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