It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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