Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
