at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
