Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
