I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
