sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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