the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
