PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
