just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
