I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
