i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
