why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
